Only You

The smell of your skin
It lingers within
The feel of your touch
An electric rush
The friction we create
No one else can replicate
Creating a fire
Built by our incendiary desire
The way our souls connect
Make me proud of the collar around my neck
Every storm we manage to weather
We were made to be together
From now until eternity
I belong with you and you with me
Forever your equal, your vice, your addiction
Bound to You in humble submission
A luckier girl has never been found
Because you are the one my soul wants to be around
I long to be in your embrace
You are my souls happy place

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I’m Sorry…

I’m sorry
That sometimes I’m broken and need care
I’m sorry
That I crave one person when I’m beyond repair
I’m sorry
That I want you to make it better
I’m sorry
That my heart wants you when there’s storms to weather
I’m sorry
That when I feel broken I want you near
I’m sorry
That you’re the one who calms my fears
I’m sorry
That you’re not here to hold me tight
I’m sorry
That I wanted another night
I’m sorry
That sometimes the darkness overwhelms my soul
I’m sorry
That I crave you to help make it whole
I’m sorry
That my mind felt drowned in fear and sadness
I’m sorry
I wanted you to help me not be such a mess
I’m sorry
That I ruined a date
I’m sorry
That I wanted you to help me carry the weight
I’m sorry
That when my mind was overwhelmed with strings I couldn’t grasp
I’m sorry
I wanted more than just one man’s clasp
I’m sorry
That when I’m broken just one guy isn’t enough
I’m sorry
That I need both my guys to help it not be so rough

Sometimes I wish

Sometimes I wish
I could turn off my brain
Numb all the pain
Wash it away with the rain

Sometimes I wish
I wasn’t so unsure
So insecure
Always wanting more

Sometimes I wish
I could want so much less
I could ignore all the stress
Escape the chaos

Sometimes I wish
That I was enough
That life wasn’t so tough
Things weren’t so rough

Sometimes I wish
That I could not feel
Because I just can’t deal
Never seeming to heal

Sometimes I wish
That everything was ok
That things would go my way
And not be in such disarray

Sometimes I wish
But that’s all they are
Figments surrounded by scars
They don’t get you very far

Oasis In His Arms

I just got home from spending 8 perfect nights with my Daddy.
As he’s long distance, I don’t get to see him very often. Once in a blue moon. And I was able to schedule 8 nights with him.
A whole week of Daddy and I, alone.
The man who owns me, heart and soul.

When I’m with him, I’m at peace.
Being in his presence is so amazing, and comforting, and I wish I could stay there forever.

No matter how much time I get with him, it’s never enough.
Because at some point it has to end.
I have to go back home.
I have to live a life away from him, because that’s where we’re at right now.
And it fucking sucks.

But it makes me treasure the time I have with him so much more.
The whole week I was so grateful to be there.
I got to fall asleep, in his arms at night.
Wake up to him in the morning.
Spend quality time with him watching tv and talking and cutting up
I got to worship his body, which I can never seem to get enough of.
I got to be worshipped by him, because he feels the same endless craving
No matter how much of him I get, it’s never enough
I want more
In so many ways

To me, he’s so perfect
And I absolutely adore him
I don’t know what I did to make the universe bless me so, but I thank the stars everyday for bringing him into my life.
Daddy treasures me, accepts me, adores me. All of me.
I am so happy to be His.

I don’t know when I’ll see him again.
And I miss him like I left a part of me with him.
Because I did. I left my heart in his care.
I happen to know it’s in pretty good hands.

One week. Such a small amount of time.
Yet so soul quenchingly refreshing.
I need him like the Rose needs the sun in order to bloom
For he has become the source of my peace and joy.
I love waking up everyday knowing I’m loved, I’m cherished, and I’m His.
Forever and always.
Unconditionally.

I had a week of Daddy, and it was paradise.
It will have to hold me over
Til the next time I reach nirvana in his arms.

I feel…Too Much

Longing for numbness
To take away the pain
So exhausted in feeling
Grief’s inky stain

Burdened day by day
Drenched down to my skin
This needy, clingy
Bundle of emotion

With every breath
I ache
So tired of feeling
How much more can I take?

Sadness, so much sadness
Down to my core
Regret and sorrow
My daily chore

Neediness in spades
Wanting to cling to those I love
For at any moment
They could join those up above

Every minute, every second
I want to be with Him, with her
This craving so intense
I’m scared to feel secure

Feeling so lost, so alone
Swallowed by a fog so dense
Knowing I’m being silly
But not being able to make any sense

Nothing in this world is stable
It can all disappear in a blink
How can you trust anything
When the pain of loss is so succinct

I think… Too much
I feel…. Too much
I am…. Too much

Too many emotions
I just can’t deal
I need an escape
I’m so tired of the feel

I’m soaked in emotion
Carried by the tides
These emotions no longer
Do I want to abide

I just want to rest
To not be drug along
Torn apart by feelings
I’m just not very strong

I need an escape
Out of this mental hell
It hurts, too much
How much longer must I dwell?

Endless Ache

I miss you with every breath I take
An endless, wrenching ache
With every beat of my heart
I feel every mile that keeps us apart

Forever seems so long from far away
When all I want is to in your arms stay
Never leave my soul’s delight
In you I find my darkness’s light

The miles seem so long
It feels so very wrong
To be so far from my favorite soul
Feels like being not completely whole

Strong as a rock I may be
But even a rock can get weary
Every fiber of me would rather be with you
I’m so tired from feeling blue

I just want to rest in your embrace
I’m so lonely in this place
Living without my loving Daddy
Is so hard that I ache badly

I close my eyes and dream of ways
To spend with you all of my days
To be in your arms, such paradise
I’d forever rather be with you I hope you realize

Exhaustion

Darkness lays across the land
A dark, dreary, oppressive hand
In every crevice is inky night
Trying to erase all light

No lingering trace to be found
No matter how much you miss the sound
Of laughter and smiles
Instead is the weight of a thousand miles

Once life was carefree
No worries, no stress, no misery
Instead it feels like failing
Gnashing of teeth and wailing

Nothing can clean this mess
It’s just constant, constant, constant stress
Day after day, night after night
Til you’re really weary of fighting the good fight

So much pressure, so much pain
So much to lose and so little to gain
Yet still you rise and try and try
Even though you just want to give up and cry

To everyone else you’re strong and resilient
But inside you feel wasted and spent
So much effort, so little to show
It’s hard to find some fucks you know

Hope, that one day it gets easier
That this is not the final chapter
Just a journey of a thousand steps
Where joy eventually will be found and kept

Contemplation

I lay beneath the inky night

Counting all my wounds and scars

All the tears of yesterday

Lingering on my soul

Weighed down by burdens

Too numerous to count

I lay here contemplating my existence

Why do I get up everyday and fight?

Weary to the very depth of me

I’m exhausted, inside and out

Constant struggle, constant stress

Inside I just want to scream

Happiness, in my relationships

And sadness too, because I feel like I’m failing

At being good at being in them

I’m good at messing up

Neediness, I want my Daddy

All the time

But I can’t always have him

Sad facts of my life

Branching out and trying to date

In today’s world

Is like trying to find a needle in a haystack

And I’ve not yet found a needle

Life is complicated, and exhausting

I feel defeated, most days

But still I rise

And greet the new day

Scarred, bruised

But never beaten

I’ll always fight

Even when I’m weary

Life isn’t all sunshine and roses

It’s got thorns that can cause anguish

And storms like you ain’t seen

But through it all I’m still standing

A weary rose, through and through

Too Much

On days like today I feel like a mess
A lonely, needy, clingy, annoying mess
I want to hog all your attention, bask in your adoration
Claim it all for myself
Revel in being the object of your love and desire
Demand that you worship me
Luxurate in the deliciousness of knowing I’m Yours
Then I feel icky, that I’m being too much, that I’m annoying
And I cycle back to feeling lonely, needy, and clingy
No man should have to deal with all of this
It’s not fair to demand to be the sole object of your attention
You have a life, other women
I shouldn’t be so demanding
So greedy
Yet I want it all
I want to be the center of your focus
I want you to be so wrapped in your desire for me, your longing for me, that you can’t breathe for desiring me so strongly
I want you to want to devote all your time, all your attention, all your everything to me
I want you to want me with the same intensity that I want You
To miss me with the same intensity that I miss you
To crave me, my attention, my focus
I want you to feel what I feel
All while knowing I ask for too much
Because these feelings are too much
I’m drowning in my longing
Spluttering in the waves
The intensity of my feels
Overwhelmed by my desire
Oh, the quandary
On these days, I feel like I am too much
sigh

Thank You, Daddy

Thank You, Daddy

Raw, open

Nothing left unspoken

Every piece, every word

No doubting I’m heard

With all of my soul

I lay bare before you, not whole

Yet you treasure my every scar

Despite feeling like I’m tarred

From a lifetime of pain, of hurt

Always feeling like I was lower than dirt

The one who sees the beauty through the cracks

Telling me I was never the one who lacked

It was the fault of others who didn’t realize

That in their hands was an immense prize

You see worth where I thought there was none

So many tears, pain, I was so done

Then you walked into my life

When I was hovering on the edge of a knife

With patience and care you picked up the broken shards

All the hopeless cards

You shined light into the darkness of my heart

You tore my world apart

Where all was dark and grey

You were the rainbow that brightened my day

My world is now so full of color

Is it any wonder

That I love you with all of me

From now til eternity

I kneel before you, unguarded

Offering all of me that was discarded

My heart, my soul, my fears

A lifetime of broken tears

Never valued by the world

I offer them to you as your little girl

Knowing you’ll treasure, cherish,
this fragile thing I place in your hand

My love for you is so much more than grand

My love for you is more than all the stars in the sky

You’re it for me, you’re my why

Thank you for seeing value where others saw worthlessness

For caring to wade through all my mess

Thank you for never quitting

Even though it’s not been an easy road I’ve no trouble admitting

Our relationship is my rock and my strength

For you I would go to any length

Thank you for shining me with your light

For being willing to fight

Thank you for loving this broken soul

And using your love to make me whole